Step 3. When you see something, say something. Why wait to highlight the positive? Be sincere and specific. Make it routine. Reference: Sousa, D. How the brain learns.
Thousand Oaks, CA: Corwin. Latest In Relationship Building. Related To Recruit and Retain Talent. Provide Specific and Simple Feedback. Need a subscription? Save your progress and pick up where you left off by creating a free 9P account.
Create a Free Account. Log in with your credentials or Create an account. Forgot your details? Create Account. Not only do the Masters of marriage start conflict more gently, but they also make repairs in both minor and major ways that highlight the positivity in their relationship. Below is a list of interactions that stable couples regularly use to maintain positivity and closeness. Be Interested When your partner complains about something, do you listen?
Are you curious about why he or she is so mad? Express Affection Do you hold hands with your partner, offer a romantic kiss, or embrace your partner when greeting them at the end of the day? Expressions of affection can happen in small ways both within and outside of conflict. Within conflict, displays of physical and verbal affection reduce stress.
Bringing up something that is important to your partner, even when you disagree, demonstrates that you are putting their interests on par with yours and shows your partner that you care about them. Those small gestures accumulate over time and will provide a buffer of positivity in your marriage so that when you do enter a conflict, it will be easier to engage in positive interactions that outweigh the negative.
Intentional Appreciation How you think about your partner influences how you treat them. Negativity is bound to enter your thoughts, especially during conflict. Intentionally focusing on the positive will counterbalance any of the moments when you struggle to find something good about your partner.
Now turn your thoughts into action: every time you express your positive thinking and give your partner a verbal compliment, no matter how small, you are strengthening your marriage. Find Opportunities for Agreement When couples fight, they focus on the negative parts of the conflict and miss the opportunities for what they agree on.
An alliance in conflict, even minor, can fundamentally shift how couples fight. Empathize and Apologize Empathy is one of the deepest forms of human connection. When you empathize with your spouse, you show that you understand and feel what your partner is feeling, even if you express empathy nonverbally through a facial expression or a physical gesture.
Have some habits: While positive thinking is difficult to maintain day in and day out, habits that bring an emotional lift are simpler to stick with. By adding some habits into your day that will create an emotional lift, such as a morning workout, a daily nature walk, or a call to a good friend during your commute home, you can add positive experiences to your day and greater levels of positivity to your habitual way of thinking.
The habit of positive thinking can follow from there. Find some surprises. We can grow used to even the most positive experiences and take them for granted without realizing it. For this reason, it helps to have some variety in your day. In the morning while you're planning your day, try to add something new that you'll enjoy, something that isn't part of your routine.
Having a fresh experience will maximize the joy you find in it. Use proven standbys. It also helps to be aware of what truly brings you comfort and contentment, and work these things into your regular routine. If you enjoy walking the same route when you exercise, watching the same comedies at night, or eating the same favorite meals, be sure to work what you love into your daily life as much as possible. You can make the 3-to-1 ratio a regular aspect of your life. Struggling with stress?
Our guide offers expert advice on how to better manage stress levels. Get it FREE when you sign up for our newsletter. Second wave positive psychology: Embracing the dark side of life. Hefferon K, Boniwell I. Positive Psychology : Theory, Research and Applications. Fredrickson BL. The role of positive emotions in positive psychology. The broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions. Am Psychol. Updated thinking on positivity ratios.
American Psychologist. Routledge; Positive psychology and the quality of life. Published online November 2, Your Privacy Rights. To change or withdraw your consent choices for VerywellMind. At any time, you can update your settings through the "EU Privacy" link at the bottom of any page. These choices will be signaled globally to our partners and will not affect browsing data. We and our partners process data to: Actively scan device characteristics for identification.
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